The Benefits of Solitude
In order to live a ‘spiritual’ existence, one very important element is that we spend some time alone with ourselves every day. As a yoga teacher, the benefits of solitude which is inherent in the profession, has proven itself to me over time. Because of the free time in between appointments, the spaces in between classes, and the variety that is my life, I have discovered that aloneness has given me so much. The time spent on reflecting on my meetings with others, or the quality of my classes, and the overall energy of the day – what I brought to it on any given day – has been a big teacher; it leads me to believe that everyone should do this. Most of us have busy careers, families to tend to, and engagements already set in place. Our schedules are so jammed packed. Busyness has become an addiction, a way of life that makes us feel important while giving us a limited sense of our self-worth. Being productive in what we do is a joy. To be present while we are creating something, or while we are being there for someone can be some of the most meditative moments. However, the space in between for me has always provided me with profound insights. In solitude, I can see where my energy was not focused in a class, or where I could have set better boundaries with a client or a family member, or where I could have said no to an invitation I didn’t really want to attend anyway.
If yoga + meditation teaches us to pause, to be mindful, then these spaces are a time to do that: take inventory, regroup, and reflect. It is very simple. It can be only 5 or 10 minutes a day. It can be whenever really, but mornings + evenings are a great place to start. Start in the morning with an intention. Oftentimes our intentions can vary from day to day, and many times they are piggybacked from the day before. For example: the day before something came up in a conversation with someone where you could have paused more or listened better or perhaps the day before you scattered your energy all over which left you feeling depleted. We reflect on the day before, and make ‘amends’ in a sense. Today, I will practice setting better boundaries when talking. Today, I will listen better, and talk less. Today, I will take time to say no so that I can have more time for myself. This last one is not at all selfish. In fact, it is very selfless IF you intend for your alone time to be not ONLY for you but also for others. We can only be of service to others when we ourselves have taken care of our own needs. My dad used to say to me, ‘NO is a complete word’.
Because of our fear of saying that complete word, over the years, many of us have spent way too much time distracting ourselves. We may say we want to do many things; I want to learn a new language, I want to write, I want to travel, etc. The list goes on. But for the reason of being afraid of being great and awesome, we instead find all sorts of ways to divert our attention from what our heart wants us to do. The space in between, the 5-10 minutes you take for yourself each day, gets you in touch with your heart. If you do not take the time out to be alone, then you may always be a people pleaser, or in the rat race – never doing what is that you were meant to do here on the Planet. Some distract with drugs, alcohol, TV, and Internet, while many distract by always being there for everyone + always being available for every invitation. Of course we are to serve others, but one way to teach is by doing YOU, and by doing YOU, you actually encourage others to do the same. When we always say yes, yes, yes – we are feeling guilty or feeling like we are going to missing out on something. The result: we take more and more time away from ourselves from learning the new language, writing the book, traveling, doing the things our hearts long to do. No reason to feel guilty – people will take advantage of you -like vampires – and trust me, the older you get, you realize, you are not missing out on anything! It’s the same thing. Pick and choose your invitations! Listen to your gut – go only if you feel it will feed you in someway or to be of service if that is what is being asked.
Many people say I want to do this and that. I say, do it! I say, do it!, to myself. Admittedly, most things, I do, but there are still those blind spots now and again. Creativity is available when we have space in our minds. But instead, many of us obsess over relationships, having the perfect body, and appearing to always have everything in perfect order. There is nothing more imperfect and more NOT in flow than this. The ability to let go, and to be seen, and to admit you don’t have it all together is actually the most freeing thing you can do. Think of how much energy is wasted on trying to make it look like you have it all together. I am exhausted just thinking about it. It is only when you spend some time alone that you can actually face the fear and see what it is you do.
People who are able to surrender their will are more relaxed, more successful, and have more abundance. Why? Because they can flow with the natural order of things without resisting that which ‘is’.
We think that our controlling and manipulation tactics are the only things that hold us back, but it is also the addiction to being overly connected. I invite you this week to disconnect for a few hours – take a digital Shabbat. Use the time to be alone, to think about what you want for your life, how you want to show up, and what kind of impression you want to leave on the Planet. Then DO IT.
One method for this:
*Each morning upon waking, rather than turning on the TV or NPR, turn to the journal. Journaling brings out thoughts and hidden emotions and ideas that need to be released. Set your intention for the day. Think of all the people you need to see that day, the places you need to be. Decide how you want to show up – make that imprint into your brain. Read something from one of the inspirational books. A few sentences from any of your favorite texts are fine, but avoid the Internet at this time. Then ask your intuition or a Higher Power for guidance for that day. (repeat this during the day – ask for guidance – ask am I doing this from a place of LOVE or selfishness)
*At the end of the day before bed, sit in quietude, or some like the bath. Ask yourself where you went off course throughout the day. Be gentle on yourself. This is not a time for you to beat up on yourself because you didn’t get it ‘right’. Perfectionism is rampant – it’s actually a disease that needs to be cured. Just see you in that day, that’s all.
And the next day, repeat.
