The Buddhist Practice of Recognize, Refrain, Relax, Resolve:
Change your habits, create peace in your life.

If we want to see real change in our lives, the principles we learn in yoga must go beyond the mat. Remember that old definition of insanity? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again thinking you will get a different result only to find out you get exactly the same. A Buddhist approach to catching our ways of escalating the emotions, creating change and shifting the existing dynamics in our relationships is the practice of the 4R’s: Recognize, Refrain, Relax, Resolve.

Recognize.

See what you are about to do before you do it. Do you react with rage when you don’t get your way, or do you blow up someone’s phone with your angry texts, or do you sulk and withdraw, or do you overeat, drink too much or talk incessantly? What is your habit? Identify it, see it, then you can change it. This is consciousness, this is presence.

Refrain.

Once you have recognized, then you can choose in that moment to take a deep breath, maybe go for a walk to get some fresh air, and refrain from doing that habitual habit of escaping from the moment of discomfort.

Relax.

Recognizing the habit is one thing, but the act of refraining from it is the real work; work that is difficult. So this next step of relaxing also poses a challenge: we are not relaxed because we are doing something different. However, if you remind yourself that the usual habit only brings temporary, not long term relief, you might be more inclined to stick it out, allowing the moment to wash over you without acting out.

Resolve.